Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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