We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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