this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
