the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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