This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
