She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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