Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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