So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
