i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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