There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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