Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
