Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
