get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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