I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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