People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
