you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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