i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
