im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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