You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
