if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
