I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize