Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
