A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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