we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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