I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I need to stop coming to work sober
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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