It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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