My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
