it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How does one acquire holy water?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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