It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
