Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
