I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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