i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
