How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
