i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
