i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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