someone owes me an orgasm
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
