I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
