like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We had to coat check the pizza.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
