At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
