I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
