I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
