I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
