she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Randomize
