This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
