my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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