no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They are going to name an STD after you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
