So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
