Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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