She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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