I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
