I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize