You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
