OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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