youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
