What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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