That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
