Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
