Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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