In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
