Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
