I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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