this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
