I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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