You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
