This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
