Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
