Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
