we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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