i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
