It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
