I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
FUCK WHALES
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
