I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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